


Octopath Plays Minecraft

by candiedTardigrades



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Octopath Traveler (Video Game)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-28
Updated: 2018-08-28
Packaged: 2019-07-03 15:14:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15821511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/candiedTardigrades/pseuds/candiedTardigrades
Summary: A very goofy thing that my friend told me to do; he requested a fanfic in which all of the travelers react to Minecraft somehow. This is the result of my humoring him and having some fun with it.





	Octopath Plays Minecraft

“Hey, everyone!” Tressa slammed open the door to the Quarrycrest tavern where all of her companions had been patiently waiting for her to complete her business there. “Check out! What I bought!” She swung her backpack in front of her and magically produced eight laptop computers (how did they all fit inside? I’m telling you, magic). There was a dead silence for almost a full minute until Therion decided to take it upon himself to voice everyone else’s thoughts:

“How much of our money did you spend to buy those useless silver boxes?”

Alfyn, sitting beside him, swiftly knocked Therion on the head.

“Hey! The hell’s the matter with you?”

“Shut it, asshole. He didn’t mean to be so rude, Tressa. Show us what you have.”

“I did, actually, and I don’t care.”

As this drama was occurring, Tressa walked around the travelers’ tables cheerfully distributing the laptops. “These aren’t ordinary tablets, actually. The man I bought them from showed me exactly how they work. It’s so cool, you guys are all gonna love it!”

She sat next to H’aanit and opened the screen with an impressive flourish. H’annit’s eyes widened slightly at the light pouring from the device, but she said nothing. Ophilia rose from the next table over and leaned over to get a better look at the screen. 

“It’s an intriguing object, to be sure, but I’m afraid I don’t quite understand. How will this help to guide us on our quests?”

“Huh?” said Tressa. She had already double-clicked the sole pixelated brown icon on the screen and was filling in the login and server information the kind old man had given her on a sheet of paper. “Help us on our quests?”

“Well, yes. Ideally, I would finish the ceremony effectively and efficiently and return to Father and Lianna before…”

“Oh, no! This is just for recreation. Purely for fun! C’mon guys, I bought all eight Minecrafts so that we could play together! You gotta try it!”

“But I --”

“We should humour her,” Cyrus said, directing his cursor in useless repeated circles so that to someone unfamiliar with computers (everyone in this universe) it appeared he was doing something intelligent. “It certainly could not be harmful to familiarize ourselves with amazing new technology.”

“Wow, Professor Albright, you catch on quick!” Tressa, who was clearly unfamiliar with computers, had automatically assumed that the persistent movement of Cyrus’ cursor indicated proficiency. 

“I agree,” said H’aanit. She too had opened her computer, glancing at Tressa for further directions. “Mayhap it will prove itself to become a fine weapon of sort.”

“Ummmm, I don’t really think so,” said Tressa. She clicked the ‘enter’ button with the kind of plot-saving ability that one only finds in crack fanfictions. “But you can make your character a bow and an axe and tame animals and stuff.”

“Still sounds like a waste of money to me,” said Therion. He took a swig of ale, carelessly sloshing the liquid onto the closed computer. “Whoops.”

“Careful with that! I paid a lot of my skystone profits so that we could bond as adventure buddies!”

Therion groaned. “I never asked for you to start following-”

“Come on, everyone! I’ll show you how to play!”

***Six Hours Later***

 

“Excuse me, miss.” The bartender tapped Primrose on the shoulder. She had been flirting with the tavern patrons, taking comfort in the lithe and seductive way she could move her body, successfully assessing the strength of anyone with whom she spoke. For the past five and a half hours, she had been appreciating the responsiveness of her body much more after failing to orient her virtual avatar. She was also pleased with her people-reading abilities, which did not carry over into the world of Minecraft (“How was I supposed to know that that stupid green thing would explode in my face? It almost looked cute.”) After that incident, Primrose decided that she was better off where she was accustomed. The past six hours were a little bit dull, but listening to the murderous banter of some of her peers certainly livened things up.

“Yes?” she said. 

“U-um.” the bartender’s face flushed when she turned around and stared him dead in the eye. Yes, her feminine wiles could get her anywhere, and since they did not diffuse into the video game world, neither would she. “Well, miss, ma’am, if you’re with those seven, I’m going to hafta ask you -- your party -- to leave.”

Primrose peered over his shoulder where the faces of six of her seven companions were illuminated with artificial computer glow. (Olberic had lasted slightly longer than Primrose, about an hour, but he gave up after Ophilia accidentally blew up his cave with TNT. He had checked into the inn, claiming that late nights and early mornings always gave him headaches.)

H’aanit had quickly found her rhythm. When Primrose checked on her game, the huntress had taken her on a tour of a chicken coop, a cow pen, and a pit 3 blocks deep filled with multicolored sheep. Six wolves followed her avatar wherever she wandered.

Ophilia was not doing nearly as well. Having gone into a mine to examine the unique pixelated gemstones of the game, she travelled too far and ran out of torches. Primrose watched Ophilia’s pitch-black screen with mild bemusement for a little while. Every so often, a noise would sound from inside the game and Ophilia would jump to her feet and click wildly on her computer, slashing her sword at whatever enemy was nearby. “You should try to dig straight up,” Primrose had said after Ophilia’s eighth scared shriek. “Won’t you eventually reach the surface?”

“But I can’t see!” she wept. “And I’m out of torches, and it’s very dark, and I’m quite nervous about these foreign beasts!”

“They could not possibly be worse than what we battle regularly. If you are so loathe to continue, why are you still playing?”

“No, I cannot give up. Overcoming this trial is just one step in my journey of Kindling! If I die now, I lose everything: the diamonds, the redstone, the iron…”

“Ophilia, dear, forgive my saying so but I do not believe that your duties in the Kindling have anything to do with this game.”

“But the principle is the same! One mustn't give up, Primrose!”

That was about two hours ago. Ophilia had barely moved from her screen (save for a few more squeals) since.

“Whatever for, sir?” said Primrose to the bartender. She traced her finger around the rim of her empty glass of ale. He watched, chewing his lip like a nervous schoolboy.

“Well, I’m sorry, ma’am, but you’ve all been sitting here for six hours and barely bought anything at all from the bar. Yer takin’ up space.” Primrose could have easily seduced this sniveling, half-gone lackey for all the time they needed, but truth be told, she was sick of hanging around the bar for so long. It reminded her of the dirty bar she spent ages in, and she was past that stage in her life. The sooner she could remove her party, the sooner she could pursue her revenge.

“Fine, then.” She turned to the tables throughout which her companions were sprawled. “Wrap it up, you people. Ophilia, time to turn it off.”

With an exasperated sigh, Ophilia shut the laptop and lay her head on the table, defeated.

“H’aanit, are you ready?”

“My creatures seeken for naught; I have tendede their every need. I am preparede to depart, for I have naught else to doe.” She shut the computer.

“Therion?” No response. Primrose stalked over to him and tapped him on the scarf. “Therion, it’s time to go.”

Therion was surprisingly engaged, and had been for the past six hours. Through their time in the tavern, she heard his spontaneous shouts of triumph tied with either Tressa’s or Alfyn’s shouts of “hey!” or “give it back!” Apparently, chests in this game were delightfully unguarded and unlocked, and Therion enjoyed tormenting the more successful players on the server by swiping their valuables and retreating to the house he was constructing from cactus blocks. Once, though, Tressa rigged a booby trap and he ended up with an arrow in his back and stolen goods scattered across the carpetedk

floor of her sophisticated mansion (“I didn’t know you could rig  _ traps _ !” “Well, ya can, so think twice before messing with  _ this girl _ !”). After that, Therion’s new missions consisted of sneaking into Tressa’s house while she was away and setting nondescript traps for her to fall into. Therion’s descent into internet trolldom expanded to other players when he hid near Alfyn’s house and destroyed the same block each time Alfyn tried to replace it. Therion found it all madly funny.

“Therion. Let’s go.”

“Oh. Hang on just a sec.” 

Primrose stared at the screen over his shoulder and observed a field of red. “What are you standing on there?”

In the reflection of the computer, Primrose saw him grin. “Just watch.”

With a flint and stone, he set fire to the nearest TNT block. Three seconds later, the server crashed.

“Heeeeeeeeyyyy!!!” Tressa wailed.

“What just happened?” Alfyn said.

“Did something happen?” Cyrus asked. Primrose glanced at his screen and sighed.

“Professor. Honey. You need to click ‘multiplayer’ and choose the server.”

“Oh. So I was never on the game?”

“So that’s why I couldn’t find your house,” Tressa said. “Pfffahaha! Professor! I’m sorry, I didn’t know you didn’t know how to start!”

“Pay it no mind, Tressa my dear. I was hardly bothered.”

Alfyn stood, stretching and yawning. “So you’re telling us that you were just staring at the same screen for six hours?”

Cyrus blinked. “Why, yes. It was most enlightening. I have never  _ seen _ technology so advanced or colors so bright within a medium other than painting! And it glows in the dark! Why, I was just anxious to pull it apart.”

“Ohhhh-kaaayy, if you say so.” Tressa pointed at Therion. “And YOU! You ruined the game! What was that for? Huh?!”

“You make me play, I play my own rules.”

“Quiet, you two!” snapped Primrose. She could hardly believe that she had to play the mother in the group right now. “We’re being kicked out anyway. It’s time to go.”

“What? Why?”

“You guys are...noisy. Anyway, Olberic is waiting at the inn. Let’s join him.”

So each of the travellers filed out of the tavern, leaving their magical laptops behind, never to be seen again. Thus ends the tale of the Octopath Travellers playing minecraft.


End file.
